Meeting

So I had that meeting today. I was really not looking forward to it. I was feeling nauseous and had a terrible feeling in my stomach of pure dread and stress. I didn’t want to go because it was going to be bad. It was bad but it wasn’t terrible. I think I was feeling so much worse about because I’m ill. Illness makes everything seem worse. Now though I have no room for mistakes. I need to write and write and write. Basically, I have no time to do anything else. The problem is that I need money to do that. I don’t think I can work and have time to write my thesis in a year. So this means I need to take money from my parents. It sucks but it seems to be necessary. Anyway, I need to go back to work now. Stay safe everyone. Love you bye.

Sick To My Stomach

I am feeling sick to my stomach. Not only am I actually ill but I also have a meeting tomorrow. It’s a supervision and I have nothing to show for it. I feel sick to my stomach. I really don’t want to go but I can’t not go. I will probably write an email and explain to them what exactly I’m going through. I feel like I will be able to explain to them what I’m feeling by email a lot better than in person. Hopefully that way they’ll have something to say rather than me having to explain everything in person. Anyway, I’m going to go write it right now and then I’m going to work. I might actually stay up all night and try to get some work done. Stay safe everyone. Love you bye.

A Little Nervous

I’m a little bit nervous today. I have a very important meeting tomorrow. With my supervisors and the post-grad representative. Hopefully it’s going to go well, although I’m still nervous. I have finally started working again but with my laptop dying and with the loss of words I still don’t have anything to show to them. The problem is that they want to see results, and I still can’t give them that. But it’s okay, it’ll pass. I just have to go in there and convince them that I’m okay. In other news, this laptop I’m using is my friend’s who very generously lent it to me. I’m going to stop writing now and go do something to calm my nerves. Like drinking some decaf tea. Have a good one everyone. Stay safe. Love you bye.

Bad Sleep Again

So I was supposed to have a supervision today as I have mentioned on this blog before. However, my bad sleep is back and I found myself unable to go. I asked my supervisor to reschedule, thankfully he was okay with it. I have an extra week to finish the chapter now which is good. I helped a friend of mine with an application. It seems that I was helpful and I’m happy about that. Now I’m going to get back to work, because I will stay up all night. I’m going to try to stay up until early evening. Hopefully, I will be okay to do that.  I keep having to do that and it’s getting annoying. Anyway, I shall go now. Stay safe. Love you bye.

Head in the Clouds

Right I almost forgot about my blog. It’s like my head is in the clouds, hence the title of the post (I am funny), although if I am honest my head wasn’t exactly in the clouds. In fact, my head has been in front of the screen trying to work all day. I took a bit of time off to talk to my mom on skype. Also, I took a bit of time playing a new game on my playstation. Well, I say new game, it’s actually been out for a while now I just never got the chance to play it. As I told you a few weeks ago I bought around 5 games all at once, and that’s one of them. I’ve only just started but I’m already loving it. I’ll definitely blog about it when I have the chance.

Anyway, I don’t really have much to say as I am quite late to make the deadline for this post and I’m eager to go back to work. I’m actually on a bit of a roll and I don’t want to mess it up by spending too much time on this post thinking about other stuff. I have another supervision next week and I have to send my supervisor something substantial by then. I’m still not there yet but I think I’m getting there. I just need to focus a little, which seems to be working right now. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep my focus going next week and be able to move forward with this thing. Anyway, I’ll see you all tomorrow hopefully. In the mean time stay safe. Love you bye.

Hello

Quick note today. I’m very tired and have been working all day. I had a nice supervision today. I was expecting it to be worse than it was. But it was actually quite good. I need to write as much as I can by Friday and send it to my supervisor. I’ve also started watching modern family which is quite good. I’m glad to have discovered a new series. Between this and community I have two new sets of characters to watch and laugh at. I’m looking forward to Doctor who starting again at Easter. Anyway, I’m really tired and will go to bed very soon. Good night dear readers I will see you tomorrow.

Still Working, It Seems…

Right, again a short post. I’m trying to catch up with work. It’s still going quite slowly but it’s getting there. My upstairs neighbours aren’t helping. They’ve been doing something. I’m not really sure what, but it’s very noisy. Anyway, it also seems that there are many things happening in the Middle East and North Africa. Bahrein, Iran, Algeria, Morocco, Libya, Yemen, they all seem to have caught the revolutionary bug. That’s very good news. Although each country has its own specificities, I’m glad to see that the fear factor is starting to break in the MENA region. The problem is I’m not really following the news because I need to get work done. My supervisor asked for a supervision meeting and I need to have something to show him, otherwise I’ll feel really bad. So that’s what I’ve been trying to do today. Anyway, I’ll check back here tomorrow and tell you how it’s going.

Supervision

So I had a supervision today. I wasn’t particularly worried about it as the last two went pretty well. However, it turned out to be a little bit of a tough one. It was with my two supervisors who were very frank in their criticism. The thing is that they said a bunch of things that were very hard to hear, but that I probably needed to hear. Also, everything they said was perfectly sound and correct. I wish I could write a post where I lampoon them or say they were being unfair, but it’s just not the case. Also, they were very nice in saying that they truly believe in me and in my ability to complete my thesis. I just needed to get a move on.

The supervision left me feeling sad and a bit worried, as time is running out on me and I still have a lot to do. However, I also felt like I’ve been kicked in the butt and forced to face the fact that I need to work more seriously. I realise that I need to start thinking about publishing and going to conferences. But also, that I really need to work hard on my thesis. Basically, I’m going to have very few days off, as it were. I am now going to be working, almost everyday until I finish. I am glad that my WIP is finished for next week, so I don’t have to worry about that.

So we decided to proceed through shorter papers. What I will do from now on, is write sections of each coming chapter separately and have a supervision about it. This means that I’ll have shorter deadlines to meet, but that the work for each will be manageable and not scary. I hope this works. My first deadline s in a week and I have to re-write a couple of sections of my last essay. This is manageable if I work on a regular basis. I just need to be able to write at least 500-1000 words everyday, even if these words are only notes from my reading of a book. If I’m ale to do that, then I’ll be happy.

After my supervision, which was around 12:30, I went with A and two of the new postgrads, C and S for lunch and then did a little work in the postgrad room. I ended up going home on the early side though because I needed to use a book that I have in my flat. SO I’ve been working, on and off since I got back. I’ve also been feeling a little sorry for myself. That way I can be all chirpy and happy tomorrow when I take a day off to do various interesting things. I’m already feeling better and was able to take a little distance from the whole thing. I realise that I have a steep hill to climb, but I also feel that I am fully capable of climbing it. I just need to stop taking such long breaks to wonder how I will climb the hill and just do it.

Wow, that was a very good analogy. Also, I did run with it a little too much. Other then that, I don’t really have much to say. I finished the DVD of Hitler Moustache today, and it is full of extras aimed at comedy nerds. it’s great to see things that would be considered by anyone other than a comedy fan to be completely useless and boring. There are a few videos that Richard Herring shot during his tour showing the different places he’s worked at, and the weird dressing rooms and sandwich selections, or lack there of, that he got at each venue. There’s also a bunch of documentaries and other weird unusual extras. I really enjoyed this DVD a lot. I therefore highly recommend it and recommend that you buy it from here, as this is an independent company and you get an extra DVD of extras.

Supervision 2

So I had the supervision that I was dreading so much today. Guess what? It went extremely well. I was so happy and I’m still very pleased with it. You see I came out of my last supervision with this particular supervisor feeling destroyed and shattered. It was about 7 months ago. It took me 6 months to get over it and be able to write again. Now that’s what you call a bad supervision. However, now in hindsight I have to say that it was bad because I didn’t really like my thesis back then and wasn’t happy with the way it was going. However, now that I am a bit clearer on my argument and my plan, I think my writing is naturally better.

It was all in all a very enjoyable experience. My chapter is not perfect, but I knew that already. The criticism felt constructive and helpful. I was able to argue for a few things showing that the way I had written it was right. I just felt happy and confident, I think that had something to do with it as well. I am now looking forward to resuming work on Sunday after I’m back from London and I clean my flat. I can’t wait to finish this chapter and start the next one. I do believe that I’m finally on the right track, and that I’ll be able to produce a good piece of work.

I also think that this blog has helped me. Having a space where I have to express my frustrations in a coherent manner is incredibly helpful. Also, the fact that I have been writing everyday for almost three months helped demystify the writing process. I highly recommend this for anyone who is stuck because of writer’s block. Even though I have cheated on a few occasions and not written a proper post, the process of finding something interesting to write about everyday has exercised my writing muscles. It is sometimes difficult to isolate a particular event or feeling or mood that might be expressed in an interesting way on here, but it sure is good for my writing brain.

So after a very tense morning and early afternoon because I was dreading the supervision, I felt relief. It was like all the tension in my body was released. In fact, I spent all afternoon doing absolutely nothing with a smile on my face. I was in that state of blissful sleepiness. I was moving slowly and very little.

The experience of writing a PhD is a really weird one. You go through so many extreme states of mind. It is an emotional ride that can be overwhelming at times. The highs are rare but so good and satisfying that they make the lows, which at the time can seem to be insurmountable, somehow worth it. The feeling you get when you produce something that is seen by others to be worthwhile and intelligent is one of the best feelings anyone could experience. The only better feeling I can think of is being on stage and doing very well there, I miss being on stage.

Also, my supervisor informed me that I will probably be teaching next year the same classes I taught this year. This is very good news as I have done all the preparation work for them and so will only have to refresh my memory and show up for the classes. I had a lot of positive feedback last year both from the students and the module convenors. I really enjoy teaching, as it is very close to being on stage and having an audience. You need to keep the students entertained enough without compromising the content of your material. You have to subtly control them and push them in the direction you want them to go in. And if you do it well, they come out of the classroom a little bit smarter than when they came in.

Other than that I am ready for my two days trip to London with my mom tomorrow. I will do some work on the train and then enjoy the city. I am looking forward to doing a few things down there, especially eating dim sum at Ping Pong, and maybe going to Borough market one of the days. I am also looking forward to having my own space again and resuming my daily trips to the gym. I have enjoyed having my mother here, but it is time for me to get back to some sort of productive routine.

Positiveness, Etc.

Right so as I wrote in yesterday’s post, today’s supervision really felt like the do or die supervision for my thesis. I was feeling really anxious yesterday. In fact I didn’t sleep until around 5:30 6:00 and woke up at 10. I kept going over what I was going to say and what I needed to explain. Then it was time for me to go to uni. The walk there was pleasant because it was hot but with a very nice breeze, so basically I didn’t sweat and that’s good.

When I got there my supervisor was waiting for me. We went down to have lunch at the cafe. I talked for about half an hour without interruption. I explained everything, from what I am doing now to what I will be doing in the next few months. I explained my plan what I will be saying in each and every chapter. After I was done, he had eaten all of his food and I hadn’t started yet. He then talked for a bit and asked me a few clarifying questions. He seemed very happy with my plan. I think that it made good sense to him.

We then both agreed on a timeline. I need to start producing chapters quite regularly if I am to stick to it and finish this thesis quite quickly. I think I can do it, all I need is to focus on my work and write between 1000 and 1500 words a day. So this is my mission, work regularly everyday. I know that I can write 1000 words in 2 hours if I’m focused, so I need to do that. So all in all I’m feeling quite positive about my work. Tomorrow is the first day of intensive thesis writing. Wish me luck.