Fat Lazy Cat and Abuse

So two days of lazing around doing almost nothing have been good. I’m so tired all the time. I feel like sleep and sleepiness are the only states of being I am capable of experiencing. Nothing wrong with that mind you, I’m not complaining. I’ve been watching tv, listening to radio and podcasts, and just being unproductive and lazy. I started tidying my flat, but I’m still a long way away from having it ready for my mother’s visit. Hopefully I’ll be able to do all the tidying tomorrow.

My mom is coming on Monday to visit and I’m going down to London to pick her up from the airport. I’m quite excited to have her over. It’ll be the first time she visits me here since I moved. I hope she’ll be willing to walk. The thing with England is that you need to be willing to walk to enjoy it. I’m looking forward to showing her around. This visit has the potential of being quite lovely.

I went to have dinner with Z tonight. On my way there as I had my headphones on, even though at the time there was no music on, and I heard a group of ‘youths’ being loud and randy. I couldn’t really make up what they were saying. They seemed to be loud and obnoxious in the way only teenagers know how to be. I looked up and saw a group of kids, clearly drunk, in the park next to my flat. It took me a second to realise that they were actually shouting abuse at me. As I said I couldn’t make out what they were saying exactly, but it was very threatening. I quickly looked away and pretended not to have seen them. The headphones meant that I could pretend I wasn’t hearing the shouting and insults.

I kept walking at the same pace not wanting to rile them or let them know that I felt threatened. After I was out of their sight I walked faster in order to turn the corner and be as far away from them as I could. It was very weird. I felt a bit scared before, but never actually physically threatened. The worst bit is that it was day light and the street I was on was quite busy with people and shops. I wasn’t walking around by myself in a dark park in the middle of the night. Also, it was very annoying that a group of 15 years olds was able to be so threatening.

I was never really bothered by any one before. I was a street abuse virgin and my cherry was popped by a group of drunk teenagers on a Friday early evening. I know that I was lucky in that they were far and clearly too drunk to attempt to follow me and actually hurt me. At this point I was very happy that I never did anything like it in my life.

Back home in Lebanon, it is quite mundane for groups of young men to annoy women by hitting on them in the streets. It usually never goes further than a quick ‘compliment’ and a request for the woman to be friendly. I never did that, and I’m very happy that I never did. I always realised that there was a very insidious form of violence and abuse in the act. A lot of the young men are not aware that they are being threatening and are actually objectifying the women they talk to and are violating their personal space. They see it as a bit of harmless fun. None of them expect the women to actually respond to them.

I know that the two are very different, but today I experienced, in a very mild and insignificant way, what women in Lebanon and other places experience everyday. I felt threatened and scared. Walking down the street suddenly became a threatening situation. I don’t claim to have felt even a tiny fraction of what women feel everyday. But I think a lot of the men who are sleazy and disgusting to women, in Lebanon and other places, should be threatened as I was. Maybe then they’ll think twice before invading the personal space of others, and doing violence to their bodies and being.

After that episode, I had a lovely dinner with Z and enjoyed a nice evening. I came back early home though because I am sleepy. I thought I’ll write this post and then go to sleep. Tomorrow needs to be productive. I need to clean and tidy my flat. I still haven’t heard from my supervisors so I’m confused about when to meet them. I hope I get something soon. Anyway, My bed is beckoning me, my pillows are crying out for me, and I’m just fucking sleepy. So good night good people of the internet. I hope you have sweet dreams and a nice sleep.


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